Thursday, 31 March 2016


Faith can be a very powerful thing and I'm amazed that more people don't have any.  Of course faith comes in many different varieties and can be difficult to nail down, but I've got it!

I have faith in my good luck. There are two forces that are responsible for everything that has ever happened or ever will happen in our universe. Those two things are; TIME AND  LUCK.  Billy explained all this to me when we shared a room in the sanitarium. Or maybe I explained it to him.

My time is running out. Cause I'm gettin' on in the world, comin' up on sixty-one years. Sixty-one stoney gray steps toward the grave. You know the box awaits its grisly load, then I'll be food for worms. But until then, call me Lucky.

Years ago I came upon a gold ring in a pawn shop and that ring has been the centerpiece of my luck. Many wonderful things have happened since I purchased the lucky ring and I'm confident that countless more strokes of good fortune will fall my way as long as the ring is on my finger or placed upon my lucky altar. I wouldn't trade it for that piece of junk that the pope has his lackeys  kiss. 

I've also got a lucky coin, a lucky stone, a lucky nugget and lots more lucky stuff. But all this lucky stuff wouldn't be worth shit without faith. (except the ring, that son of a bitch is powerful on its own) One more comment on luck, it doesn't hurt to play the odds.

Never question a man's faith. No good will come of it and you'll only end up bitter, alienated and lonely. And you're not going to get lucky if you sit around and feel sorry for yourself all day. 

There's one sure fire way to ruin your good luck, buy a lottery ticket.

And if you see a black dog, get down on your knees and pray like crazy.

Thursday, 24 March 2016

Happiness and the BSI

Most of us want to be happy. Of course there are some people who were born to be miserable and are doing a darn good job of it. Many people ask themselves, "am I happy?" and for whatever reason are unable to come up with an accurate answer. I have asked myself that question countless times and finally came up with an answer. The BSI has given me a very good gauge on my happiness and provides me with empirical data on my emotional state and the need for corrective action.


I love bean soup and have found a very strong relationship between how often I make a big pot of bean soup and the state of my happiness. Making a good pot of bean soup is an all day affair and when I'm down in the dumps, I lack the energy and enthusiasm to make the soup. You may think I'm being flippant and even mocking people with depression but I'm deadly serious. For me, I can guage my state of mind by how often I make bean soup. I made a big pot Monday and will finish it tonight. The added bonus is that it's very healthy and if that isn't enough, it's also very convenient. What could be easier than dumping some stuff in a pot and heating for 5 minutes to get a balanced healthy meal?

If a happy man interacts with a miserable man, will the happy man elevate the miserable man's outlook on life? Or will the miserable man bring the happy man down to his level?

All I can say is, misery loves company so be careful out there.

Happy easter and be sure to leave a little treat for the Easter Turtle.

Thursday, 17 March 2016

Someone up there likes me.

Life is good at the sanctuary. The sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom  and the luck of the Irish has fallen upon your humble scribe. Yesterday was just another day in paradise until spirits of vikings past whispered in my ear that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It wasn't raining so I had to take my best guess as to where the lucky rainbow might be situated.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the deep breath felt very good but it soon be came apparent that deep breaths can't find rainbows for sour apples. I closed my eyes again and a glorious viking warrior winked at me, the game was on.

Like a kiss on the wind I was thrown to the stars......

I was led to value village and made a beeline to the china and pottery section with visions of moorcroft lollipops dancing in my mind. But there was no moorcroft prize at the end of the journey, just a bunch of old discarded knick knacks. If i was in need of some cute knick knacks, it would have been a bonanza but I currently have cute knick knacks up the yin-yang. So what the hell, even though I had pledged not to buy any more levis and t-shirts, the call of denim could not be ignored.

All I can say is someone up there likes me for what did I find? An old pair of red tab levis that were made in Canada and they were just my size. I tried them on and they fit absolutely perfect!  I have a 32 inch waist but almost all 32 inch waist jeans these days are way too big for me, "vanity sizing".  These old jeans weren't too tight and they weren't too loose. It was like my name was goldilocks and I had stumbled  upon the perfect bed. So what does the well dressed man wear with a black levis? Why a black t-shirt with a dog on the chest! The t-shirt could be a little smaller but what the hell, you can't fight fate.

Behold the new spring ensemble!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Friday, 11 March 2016

The Beast

This is the beast who chewed my sneaker.
As you can see, she has absolutely no remorse for her evil deed and is in fact daring me to leave another sneaker unattended.

With spring just around the corner it's time to start thinking about tomato plants but the Rip hasn't lost her obsession for eating bugs. The warmer weather has brought out the flies and other winged insects and Rip has been outside snapping away at any insect with the temerity to trespass into her realm so I'm leaning toward skipping tomatoes this year. Last summer she spent a lot of time eating bees which  became quite annoying to me and lethal to the poor little bees going about their business.

This year my green thumb is returning to the wonderful world of ivy. I snipped a few vines from the local park and after watching Martha Stewart on you tube, I'm good to go.
Martha recommended using root hormone to get the little beauties started but as luck would have it, I'm all out of root hormone at the moment so it's going to be survival of the fittest. Any cutting from an inferior gene pool will wither away.

Survival of the fittest, that's what the Rip said when she came across an overweight Pug.

Hey Mack, your headlight's busted.

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Gazelles vs Sambas?

A few days after the Rip arrived on the scene, she decided to rip up one of my blue suede adidas gazelle sneakers. I was totally bummed out and regretted not disciplining her for ripping apart an arnold palmer loafer the previous day. Woe was me, I really liked those old gazelles. All men my age need blue suede shoes to complete their wardrobe.

I came across green gazelles and tan colored gazelles but just couldn't find any blue ones. The younger generation is not into gazelles so most stores had a really crappy selection. But last week the store had blue suede sambas in stock and as luck would have it, they had my size in stock so I'm pleased to announce that the adidas sneaker void has been filled.

The problem is it's going take a year or so to get them broken in and faded. I bought a pair of stan smiths and a pair of the old fashioned classics last year. The stan smiths are just now starting to feel like old friends. The old fashioned classics are still stiff and shiny.

I've reached the age where it's doubtful that I'll be able to wear out all the shoes I own even if I never bought another pair in my life and it's only the casual shoes I speak of. I have enough dress shoes to last 3 life times and will probably wear them less than 20 times before I croak. My mission now is to wear out all the levis jeans, shirts and t-shirts in the closet. I'm pretty sure it's doable to wear out the jeans and t-shirts but it takes a long time to wear out the shirts. The levis shirts with pearl snaps will get worn to tatters for sure but the ones with crappy buttons are a long shot.

So when people ask me what I do in retirement, I tell them it's a full time job trying to wear out all my levis and sneakers before I croak.

Hey Mack, you're headlight's busted.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

bigger and better

The Rip continues to gain mass. From an original mass of 48 pounds to 53 pounds in November and now to the impressive mass of 57 pounds!

The day we brought her home I took a look at her and said, she's a 60 pounder if I ever saw one and was promptly told she couldn't carry that much weight without getting fat. Now sitting at a trim and muscular weight of 57 pounds I can see her easily putting on another 5 pounds. She's a little slower right now after sitting around the house all winter but once spring officially hits and she decides to spend some time outside running around like a maniac, the athleticism should return and the Rip will reign supreme,

I've been on an Albert King run recently and as soon as I heard this song, the ghost of Ruby returned. I really miss that big old lunatic.

God Bless you, Ms Ruby.