Monday, 22 February 2016

Get Over It

It's a wonderful day here in the great pacific northwest. The sun is shining and mist is rising from the green grass and healthy vibrant cedar trees. I can think of very few things that are more uplifting than a beautiful day after having gone through the bleak dreary days of winter. Shoot, I didn't even need a flashlight to pick up Rip's easter eggs this morning as we strolled through the park.

While walking around one of the lakes I heard a bit of a racket and the saw what looked like a duck putting on some sort of mating ballet in the water. Soon there will be mother ducks waddling and swimming around with their adorable broods in pursuit. Ain't life grand in the spring.

Although I'm taking a wee bit of a sabbatical from the foundation, I'm always on the lookout for something to aid me in the delivery of relief to the fragile and often broken souls turning to us for help and what I found yesterday should work very well, LED ZEPPELIN LULLABYES!! It seems like the perfect aid for those boomers needing a little help in achieving inner peace. Have I ever mentioned that boomers can be the biggest pain in the ass on the planet? Somewhere along the way a lot of boomers decided that happiness and success were entitlements, not something that had to be earned. As my former room mate Billy was so fond of saying, so it goes.

As I like to say and often get in hot water for saying at the foundation:

Suicide is not painless if left to an amateur.

And this is something that I'd probably be drawn and quartered for saying but I often feel like screaming while listening to certain self absorbed boomers going through their "poor little me" routine.

Sunday, 14 February 2016


I’m pleased as punch to announce the official time is......

A while back I was lucky enough to get a shiny new wrist watch but there was one small problem, the band needed adjusting. I’m pretty good at pissing on fires or killing flies with an elastic band but I was flummoxed with the stainless steel wrist band and the pins holding it together. The watch sat in the box as I debated with myself whether to take it to a jeweler or attempt it myself. The logic and instructions made the operation look like child’s play but I’ve fallen victim to apparent child’s play too many times to take anything for granted.

Earlier this week I enlisted an attractive young lady to assist me with the procedure. I had watched a few you tube videos and was ready to go. Of course the lousy pins did not come out as easily as they did on you tube but we finally got them out and it was time to reinsert the skinny and fragile little rascals. My attractive young assistant and I disagreed on the correct procedure but I deferred to her younger and higher functioning brain. Things didn’t go well and we bent a few pins before I went back to the you tube video and told her that I was correct, but she wouldn’t concede that she had made a mistake and the whole operation was abandoned. The next day I managed to get one pin inserted but then decided to quit while I was ahead and wait for sonny to drop by and complete the operation.

This afternoon sonny and I reinserted the remaining pin with ease and the radio controlled eco-drive perpetual watch is now on my wrist. The only drawback is the son of bitch is pretty big and clunky. According to the sales pitch, it’s supposed to reset itself to the correct second each night. If that isn’t nice, what is?

And when did whales start swimming on land?

Hey mister, your headlight is busted.

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Hello good friends

Life is wonderful at the foundation this year. It seems that it is so wonderful for the people in charge of healing the broken souls seeking help, that they don’t need me. I don’t think they ever really need me as much as I needed them. I hope to be needed for a few minutes before giving up the ghost.

I met all sorts of wonderful people over the years and if even a small percent of these decent human beings considered me to also be wonderful, then it was time well spent. Perhaps I’ll receive a telephone call one day asking for my assistance. As long as they don’t call me on the red phone, I’ll be very happy to assist in rescuing any people on the verge of defying their pre-programmed will to survive. Or if anyone needs a little unconditional positive support and guidance in entering the peaceful tunnel with the little white light at the end, I might be their man.

Many poor souls came to the foundation with the same question, “what are human beings for?” I could never answer that question and perhaps that is the reason my presence wasn’t as helpful as I wished it could have been. I went through a lot of pain for a lot or years wrestling with important questions about the purpose of human beings and couldn’t find any answers that made sense to me.

The only people I’ve come across over the years with an uncorrupted purpose on this planet have been volunteer firemen. When I get blue and think about the tunnel, it’s off to a small town I go and make a beeline to the volunteer fire department. Some volunteer fire departments are more friendly than others but most welcome me after I buy some new equipment for them.

Billy told me that the Brothers Karamazov found their purpose in heaven.

Hey Mack, your headlight is busted.

Thursday, 4 February 2016

The Wayfaring Stranger

The pilgrim has vanished but Eliot has stepped up to the plate and he says welcome to the asylum!

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

After the exhausting exercise of giving birth to The Asylum, I need a rest. And what better way to relax than to immerse myself in the genius of Eric Bibb. I was previewing cd's at the library and stumbled upon good old Eric and find him to very easy on the ears.

be careful out there.