Saturday, 23 September 2017

scooter be gone

some rat bastard son of a bitch stole my scooter!!!!

monday evening, as i was leaving to take the rip for her usual evening stroll in park,  i noticed something was amiss, my scooter was gone!!!  the big question was whether to rush back and call the police or take rip out for her walk. i decided to take rip for her walk before calling the police.

upon returning, i called the police and obtained a file number which i used to file an insurance claim. then i decided to have a hot bath to relax.  just after hopping into the tub, the doorbell rang. i had to quickly hop out of the tub and get dressed to greet the strong arm of the law. the rat bastard thief not only ruined the evening stroll with rip, he/she ruined my bath!

the next day i resigned myself to losing the scooter but then started worrying about the house being burgled. i decided that it was time to reassess my security and start locking doors when i wasn't home. there was only one problem, i only had keys for one door and could not locate the missing keys. son of a bitch, i would have to get organized and start taking the time to lock and unlock doors when making quick trips shopping or walking the rip. what a hassle, eh?

on wednesday evening after i hopped into a steaming hot bath tub the goddamned door bell rang again, it was the police again. the officer told me that my scooter had been found and it was in my back yard. somehow they got the theft location and the recovery location switched around.  after swearing on a stack of bibles that i didn't have the scooter the officer re-checked her information and left to confirm where the scooter had been found. this time i stayed away from the bath tub.

the officer returned and escorted me to the scooter. yes, it was my scooter and it seemed to be none the worse for wear. the first thing i did was unlock the seat and see if my turtle helmet was still there and yes it was. but more importantly my riding gloves were still there. the gloves were an old beat up pair of black leather dress gloves that my dad used for yard work. losing those gloves was bumming me out more than the thought of losing the scooter.

in summation:

scooter was gone
scooter is back
leo be happy.

i don't want a pickle, i just want a motorcycle.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Monday, 18 September 2017


baseball, it's almost playoff time baby!

earlier this summer i became obsessed with getting a few genuine mlb balls. any idiot can buy a new ball but i wanted a few that were genuine and had actually been handled by real players so the hunt was on.  i found cool store on the west side so it was time to hop on the scooter and score some balls!
i bought a few and liked them so much i went and bought more. 

last week while watching a game on tv and fondling my balls i decided it was time to dig out my old glove. i searched everywhere and couldn't find it. i even hauled everything out of the crawl space and still no glove. i was totally bummed out. it was a great glove that my parents bought me almost 50 years ago and it was very well used and cared for. a perfect pocket and beautiful smooth soft leather. it might still be around the house but the hunt was on for a new glove.

i wanted to get a rawlings heart of the hide or wilson A2000 but couldn't find the right color and model so it was time to hit craigslist. i couldn't find what i wanted but ended up buying 3 not so great gloves. i went to look at one glove but the silver tongued devil selling it talked me into buying 2. then he threw in a 3rd glove for free.

two of them were hard as rocks so it's giving me something to do, soften the sons of bitches up. so i soaked the brown one in water and tied it up, i tied up the black one without soaking it so i could compare the success of the techniques. in a few days i'll untie the brown one, toss it in the dryer and begin working on the son of a bitch.

the smaller brown/pink glove was the free throw in and it's really an interesting glove, an 11 inch woman's fastpitch glove.  it's a really cool little glove with a large pocket for the large ball. a fastpitch ball is larger than a baseball but smaller than a softball.  

so far i love the woman's glove.  my only problem is rip keeps trying to steal my balls.

spark a bud and fondle my balls.  if that isn't nice, what is?

billy loves you sons of bitches. 

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

nix pineapples

the pineapple tomatoes were a resounding failure. the plants grew very well and produced 16 good sized tomatoes, but i couldn't give the goddamned things away! i ate one myself and the lovely mrs myshkin threw one into some sort of stew but that's about it. i ended up with a bowl of "throwing" fruit.

the patio tomatoes were a smashing success, lots of fruit and low maintenance. but i did learn that patio tomatoes grow better when not in a pot on the patio. the pot quickly dries out in the sun and if you add too much water too quickly, the fruit gets some sort of rot on the underbelly. it will be patio tomatoes in the garden next year.  hopefully the patio tomatoes will provide enough misdirection so that the lovely mrs myshkin won't notice the giant chinese pumpkins until they need a crane and forklift to be moved.

it's almost time to begin the annual deadwood marathon and i'm all fired up after watching john wick and john wick 2.  i was very pleasantly surprised to find al swearengen (ian mcshane) in the first john wick and pleased as punch to see that mcshane had larger part in john wick 2.

if you like al swearengen and have a fondness for pitbull type dogs, you gotta watch this clip. it's totally excellent.

john wick, al swearengen and a cool dog!

if this isn't nice, what is!!!!

billy says he loves you sons of bitches.

Sunday, 3 September 2017

windows 10

windows 10:


yes, i hate windows 10 with a passion. i always think it's looking over my shoulder and recording my every move. and i'm sick to death of getting messages that my "one-drive" is full and i better go buy some more storage or something nasty will happen.

after throwing a tantrum yesterday, my daughter happened to drop by  and spent a few minutes monkeying around with it,  now all is well with the world. "one-drive" has been given a one-way bus ticket to siberia. i had asked sonny about it a few times and he blew me off. my daughter is an apple person and never uses windows 10 but she figured it out very quickly.  i wish she would drop by more often.

i've been coerced into going to a bar-b-q this evening and there will probably get into a good argument with a few "clintonistas".  yes, us crazy canadians argue more about american politics than our own politics. for some funny reason, these canadian "clintonistas" blame poor old bernie for clinton's loss at the polls. a few months ago, several "clintonistas" ganged up on me when i voiced support for bernie.

i hate hillary more today than a few months ago and i'm pretty sure the "clintonistas" have figured out a way to blame bernie for north korea's adventures with hydrogen bombs.

eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die, and i'd rather spend eternity with bernie bots than clintonistas.  (but the trumpsters probably throw better parties)

what can i say, i'm just a ...................

 billy loves you sons of bitches.