Sunday, 27 August 2017


i sincerely apologize to my international readership for another post about my adventures in wood splitting. after taking a break to rest my weary bones, yesterday i was back at it. a few gnarly and highly uncooperative chunks of wood met their maker. it's been an excellent learning experience for me, too bad it's happened so late in life. my dad was always splitting wood but he never took the time to give me any advice, he just gave me that axe and told me to start whacking.

i was having a hard time holding a wedge and bashing it with the big sledge hammer so this morning i hopped on the scooter and picked up a small 4 lb sledge.

it's a terrific little piece of equipment, i should have picked one up years ago. but 30 years ago i was strong enough to swing a full sized sledge hammer with one hand. so it goes.

the photo above is a patio tomato that has a few specimens ready to pick but i'll keep them on the vine for a few days just to annoy the lovely mrs myshkin when i boast of my success.

here's photo of a "pineapple" tomato.  from what i've read, pineapple tomatoes don't turn red so it's hard to get an exact reading on how ripe they are. i love the smell of tomato plants and i also love it when spiders arrive in late summer.  i'll not only be monitoring the tomato, i'll be monitoring the growth of my favorite spider.

now here's my excellent household tip for those readers who have bothered to read this until the end.

if your garbage stinks in the hot summer weather, throw a freshly split piece of wood into the bin. our garbage is no longer picked up every week, now it's bi-weekly and in the hot summer weather, it can really stink. a few weeks ago i tossed a piece of gnarly wood in the bottom of the  bin and the disgusting garbage odor was replaced with the wonderful aroma of douglas fir. it's similar to cedar.

billy says he loves you sons of bitches.

Sunday, 20 August 2017

the garden

i'm still battling the wood and for now, the wood is winning.  i was using the mattock trying to break up the toughest knot in the western hemisphere and got the bright idea of trying a different angle. i teed up the wood and took my mightiest golf swing at the son of a bitch.  it was a great plan, but i lifted my head and missed that rat bastard piece of wood, i pulled a muscle trying to control the follow through. i'm taking at least a week off. hopefully my ears will stop ringing while waiting for the muscles to heal.

on the plus side of the ledger, my tomatoes are doing very well. a bumper crop and the little darlings are beginning to ripen. ain't nothing in the world like homegrown tomatoes.

now it's time to build on the tomato success and try something a little more challenging. i'm pleased to announce that i've been the winning bidder on some giant pumpkin seeds on ebay. i could have played it safe and spent $10 on some tried and true north american  pumpkin seeds, but my inner cheapness took over and i'll be growing giant chinese pumpkins.

giant chinese pumpkin seeds; what are the chances i'll end up with a squash or cucumber? i'm not going to tell the lovely mrs myshkin that i'm growing giant pumpkins, she's a real wet blanket when it comes to my brilliant ideas.

billy says he still loves you sons of bitches.

Thursday, 10 August 2017


who knew gnarly wood was goddamned difficult to split?

i took a break due to ringing in my ears and general stiffness.  sonny gave me some foam earplugs along with strict instructions on how to properly use them. but what the hell, who needs ear plugs for a few test chops?   well, the problem with a few test chops is once the adrenaline kicks in, a few chops can quickly become many chops and the goddamned ears started ringing again so it was time to take a few days off.

then sonny came through with 2 new wedges for me; a standard wedge and a star shaped "wood grenade".  i decided to start with a modest sized piece of knotted wood. but before i could say, bob's your uncle, i had the axe stuck in the wood. no problemo, right? just pull out the wedges. 

as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men.......

soon i had the axe and both wedges stuck in this motherfucker piece of wood. i must have whacked both wedges over 50 times with a good sized sledge hammer and that fucking piece of wood would not budge!  then i spent almost an hour trying to get them out. i ended up using an impact driver along with a hammer and chisel to get them out.  once again, i was dripping sweat and the ears were ringing. and i had a few slivers in my hand!

a few days later i started again. this time i was more selective and gave the more gnarly pieces a pass. with this new approach i managed to split several pieces. but my ears started ringing and somehow or other i whacked my finger with sledge hammer. now i'm typing with nine fingers and it hurts. as does my shoulder and back.

but fear not. i'm not giving up. tomorrow i'll be back at it. it's become personal between me and the wood, my honor is at stake. of course the lovely mrs myshkin is giving me zero support and plenty of criticism.  so it goes.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

sweating like a pig

sweating like pig, and loving it!

a few days ago i had a giant tree cut down.  i loved that tree but it was getting too dangerous. when we first moved here, i took a look at the tree and thought; "if it falls and kills me, it's a good way to go".  but then i got to thinking, what if the son of a bitch falls down on a car load of syrian refugees? i'd be bankrupt!

this is only a small part of the wood!  i put a free firewood sign in front of it and so far a few rounds have been picked up. i've spent a fair bit of time in the hot sun trying to split some to give away to friends and it is really hard to split this stuff when it's just been cut.  i've been using a wedge and sledge hammer that work pretty good but it's really, really hard work in the sun.  like i said, i've been sweating like a pig.

the first day i spent about 90 minutes splitting it before calling it a day. as soon as i finished, i noticed that my ears were ringing, bummer eh? this morning i started again but put moist kleenex in my ears. once again i really got into sweating like a pig and quite enjoyed it until my ears started ringing again, double bummer eh? so i called sonny and he's giving me some industrial ear plugs that he uses in mine sites etc.  in a few minutes i'll be hopping on the scooter to pick them up.

this afternoon i went out to clean things up and when i came back to the house i noticed that the sole on one of my loafers was encased in sap. that sap shit is hard to get off, triple bummer eh?

i'm gonna be busy for the next few weeks. i might head to the hardware store and pick up another wedge, some of those big sons of bitches are really hard to split.

billy loves you sons of bitches.