Tuesday, 21 November 2017

seeds and knees

the giant chinese pumpkin seeds finally arrived and they sure don't look giant to me. in fact, they're the smallest pumpkin seeds i've ever seen. maybe i'll buy some giant seeds from the ukraine. there are still two orders from china in the mail so maybe something good will arrive but i'm highly skeptical.

last week i ordered some ink jet cartridges from amazon and mistakingly assumed that i was buying them from amazon but after the order was placed and paid for, i noticed the goddamned things were coming from china. this will be a test to see if amazon has better chinese quality control than e-bay. once again i'm highly skeptical and will probably end up buying a laser printer.

last week i went to the doctor for my annual  check up and to get the results of the blood tests and knee scan and received quite a surprise. my family doctor wasn't there so i had to deal with a different doctor from the same office. my blood work and urine were just fine so that was the good news. but the knee news was not good.

for years i've had a very sore right knee and my doctor told me it was due to a lack of synovial fluid and he also removed some scar tissue which helped but he always told me the the knee was structurally sound. the replacement doctor went through my records and showed me the history. it seems my knee has shown wear and tear since 2012 and they've just been waiting for the right time to tell me about knee replacement surgery.  this totally pisses me off, why the hell haven't they been telling me about the structural problems?????

it looks like the sons of bitches have been managing my expectations more than treating the problem. after a bit of research on knee replacement i've decided to delay it as long as possible and hope for improvements in the the surgical procedure. it seems that they've recently come up with a procedure which is less invasive and does less damage to the thigh muscles. maybe they'll be able to sprinkle a few stem cells on the knee in a few years.

i'll probably have a new knee before successfully growing a giant pumpkin.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Friday, 10 November 2017

back in the game baby!

many years ago and several blogs ago i used to bullshit about all the scavenging i would do.  i would get up at 4:00 am and head to the park with ruby.  the youths and thugs would be out partying the night before and leave huge amounts of empty liquor bottles/cans and what ever else they lost while getting shit faced drunk. normal people wouldn't venture into the park infested with thugs in the dark but i had ruby. thugs and bikers like pitbulls.

i still pick up any empty beer cans i come across, maybe $5 a month, but i don't do it with the gusto of yesteryear. but last week i found a pair of converse chuck taylors in the park and today i came across an old stove in the lane behind some apartments. (i was on my way back from the supermarket where i had sampled several lindt chocolate balls) the converse sneakers just happen to fit me perfectly, an act of god if i ever witnessed one.

i've been on the lookout for old stove burners for a long time and finally got lucky. our stove has one burner that is on its last legs and the hardware store wanted $35 for a new one. i plugged a replacement burner in and it quickly went red hot. so i got that going for me too.

previously i've mentioned the bean soup mental happiness evaluation technique.  the more often i make home made bean soup, the better my state of mind.  so far i've made 2 pots of bean this fall and now some world class scavenging.  the bean soup index is far more reliable than any diagnosis from an over paid psychiatrist. brain be happy.

141 days until baseball season begins, i'll need about 10 big pots of bean soup.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

hello sunshine

yesterday was a glorious autumn day in the great pacific northwest but today is a stinker, cold and wet. but all is not lost, the weatherman tells us it will be warm and sunny for the next few days after this little bump in the road. it might just be the last opportunity to wash the bed sheets and let them soak up the sun for a wonderful bedtime experience.

the weather is promising  and last night was an excellent start to the world series, kershaw was on his game and the game was worthy of storage on the pvr. i have all the previous dodger games on the pvr and will add the remaining world series games to the collection. i'll watch these games throughout the winter. although i'll remember which team wins the series, i'll forget the the details and enjoy the encore, maybe more than once.

baseball is a state of mind, adding synchronicity and order to a world gone mad. watching the concentration and sweat drip off the pitcher's face as he shakes off signals from the catcher gives me faith in the human spirit.  it's a battle, the bases might loaded with nobody out but a good pitcher like kershaw doesn't despair, he battles.

i'm still on the hunt for a new glove but haven't been able to find the perfect fit. the sporting goods stores have a poor selection at the moment so i'll probably have to wait until spring and who knows, i might find my old glove in the meantime. the woman's glove i picked up earlier is a great glove, too bad the son of a bitch has all that pink trim. the rip needs a strong role model and a male human wearing a pink baseball glove might harm her psyche.

i've finished the gnostic gospels and it's just like all the other religions. it sounds terrific but there are a lot of strings attached with no guarantees.  the one good thing about gnosticism is good old mary magdalene gets a fair shake, not like the raw deal she was given by those misogynists padding their expense accounts at the council of nicea. countless strings attached and no guarantee of eternal bliss, i'll remain a religious free agent.

faith solicited does not equal faith freely given and the guys in charge of religion don't give much stuff away for free.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

adios sunshine

the warm weather is gone and the struggle with winter is about to begin, i hope i'm ready.

after the harrowing experience of being kidnapped by a nogoodnik neighborhood punk, the scooter is in dry dock. i spent the better part of yesterday cleaning out and organizing all the treasures and clutter that were collected in the summer to make room the poor thing. the oil was changed, the tank was filled with ethonal-free high octane gas and now it's just a matter of finding the trickle charger to finish the task.

i've had the scooter for two summers now and try as i may, i couldn't come up with a good nickname, but this morning jesus whispered the magical nickname in my ear.

from this point forward, the mighty scooter shall be known as MACK. mack is a very important name in classic literature. it was mack who ended the reign of terror from yertle, the tyrant of salamasond and it was mack who organized the mighty frog hunt in cannery row. yes, mack is a titan of classic  literature. long live mack and thank you jesus!

but scooters aren't the center of my universe at the moment.  the baseball playoffs have me in seventh heaven. yesterday i watched verlander throw a complete game for the astros with 13 strikeouts!  it's pretty rare to see a complete game pitched in the era of bullpens and pitch counts. the cherry on top was the fact that it was against those evil new york yankees! verlander's cherry on top is kate upton.

the dodgers beat the cubs which was great but kershaw only lasted 5 innings which has me worried. kershaw is my favorite player and he was on the disabled list this year due to a back strain and that gives me pause. kershaw vs verlander in the world series would be a match made in heaven.

speaking of heaven, i've decided it might be the place for me after all.  studying the nag hammadi library by day and orgasming on baseball in the evening has convinced me that there just might be something to the intelligent design point of view.

mack, verlander, kershaw, nag hammadi library...........

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Monday, 9 October 2017

i be thankful

today is canuck thanksgiving, big deal eh?  but i'm thankful.

i'm thankful because there are 4 playoff baseball games on today and thanksgiving is over for me. i cooked a prime rib roast yesterday and i didn't fuck it up.

yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, possibly the last sunny warm day of the year for us and i took full advantage of it. i sat in the sun, on the old aluminum web lawn chair and read oscar wilde's de profundis for the 3rd time in a month. it's a beautiful piece of literature.

the second half of de profundis is about wilde's perception and relationship with christ, it's the tenderest and most sincere depiction of christ that i've ever come across. that's why i've read it 3 times recently and why i'll probably read it a few more times before the year ends. it fills me with contentment and a tiny bit of humility and has moved me to absorb more of the christian spirit.

i might have the spirit of christ but i didn't just fall off the turnip truck. i realize that the official new testament is a product of the council of nicea and is more of a political compromise than an accurate account of events that may or may not have taken place. in order to fill my thirst for all things christ i turned to the public library and made my selection, the complete idiots guide to the gnostic gospels.

you can call me doubting thomas.

can you not believe in god and still be a christian?  me and oscar think it's not just possible, it's the logical thing to do. christians aren't into smiting those that give us pause.

billy says feed the needy, not the greedy.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017


it's all over now but the shouting as far as splitting wood goes.  yesterday i decided to do battle with the few renegade knots which had caused me grief back in august.  the sons of bitches didn't get any weaker after a month of drying out.

you wouldn't believe how securely this knot was embedded in the trunk

it took a sledge hammer, two wedges, a hand saw and an impact driver to break the bond of love between those two seemingly innocent pieces of wood. but in the end, justice was served.

here's another knot that i removed over a month ago. this is knot was my nemesis, i hurt my back taking golf swings with the mattock to break it up. the injury occurred when i missed the son of a bitch and tried to control my follow through, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

the lovely mrs myshkin and most of the neighbors thought i was crazy battling the wood. but i saved several hundred dollars and learned a lot about how trees are constructed.  so it goes.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Saturday, 23 September 2017

scooter be gone

some rat bastard son of a bitch stole my scooter!!!!

monday evening, as i was leaving to take the rip for her usual evening stroll in park,  i noticed something was amiss, my scooter was gone!!!  the big question was whether to rush back and call the police or take rip out for her walk. i decided to take rip for her walk before calling the police.

upon returning, i called the police and obtained a file number which i used to file an insurance claim. then i decided to have a hot bath to relax.  just after hopping into the tub, the doorbell rang. i had to quickly hop out of the tub and get dressed to greet the strong arm of the law. the rat bastard thief not only ruined the evening stroll with rip, he/she ruined my bath!

the next day i resigned myself to losing the scooter but then started worrying about the house being burgled. i decided that it was time to reassess my security and start locking doors when i wasn't home. there was only one problem, i only had keys for one door and could not locate the missing keys. son of a bitch, i would have to get organized and start taking the time to lock and unlock doors when making quick trips shopping or walking the rip. what a hassle, eh?

on wednesday evening after i hopped into a steaming hot bath tub the goddamned door bell rang again, it was the police again. the officer told me that my scooter had been found and it was in my back yard. somehow they got the theft location and the recovery location switched around.  after swearing on a stack of bibles that i didn't have the scooter the officer re-checked her information and left to confirm where the scooter had been found. this time i stayed away from the bath tub.

the officer returned and escorted me to the scooter. yes, it was my scooter and it seemed to be none the worse for wear. the first thing i did was unlock the seat and see if my turtle helmet was still there and yes it was. but more importantly my riding gloves were still there. the gloves were an old beat up pair of black leather dress gloves that my dad used for yard work. losing those gloves was bumming me out more than the thought of losing the scooter.

in summation:

scooter was gone
scooter is back
leo be happy.

i don't want a pickle, i just want a motorcycle.

billy loves you sons of bitches.