Friday, 17 February 2017

the duck shoes

several months ago i was on cloud nine after getting the duck shoes, they were super comfortable and of course, very water proof. perfect for walking rip in the wet weather. this morning when i put them on, i happened to look at the side of one shoe and noticed that it had cracked. then i looked at the other shoe and it had also cracked. i was super bummed out. those lousy duck shoes were $80 so i figured that they'd last at least a year, maybe two.

i searched on line and found the receipt and then i had to hook up the printer to get a copy of the receipt and it was off to the shoe store.  the shelves were more than half empty and the clerk was skeptical that they'd have my size but as i'm so fond of saying, somebody up there likes me. they had my size and all was right with the world. new duck shoes, if that isn't nice, what is?

i am thoroughly enjoying john from cincinnati, it has me laughing almost uncontrollably at times, just like the big lebowski. and there's been one added bonus, the rip is now from cincinnati. i often get approached when walking her by people wanting to know what breed she is and since she was a rescue dog, i really don't know. but from now on when people ask, i just say, she's from cincinnati. i've also taken on the identity of butchie yost.  i gotta get fucking high man!

i wish i could find a good clip of butchie in his old vw van but al bundy will have to do.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017


poor little me was sick as a dog last week. last wednesday i hopped on the bike to ride across town and pick up my favorite extra lean ground beef at the butcher and i ran out of energy, almost collapsed. i always stand up and ride as fast as i can for about 10 minutes to get my blood circulating. it's great cardio but on wednesday i just ran out of energy and had to stop. usually the legs get tired or maybe i get a little out of breath but i can keep going.  this kind of scared me.

the next day i got up and quickly got a bad case of the runs. it turned out to be very similar to the preparation for a colonoscopy. i crapped my brains out all day and felt like death warmed over. i had the norvovirus. it's a type of the flu for which there is apparently no vaccine. the upset stomach lasted about 24 hours and then it took a few days to fully recover.

i ate nothing on day one and just had a few bowls of oatmeal the next day. i've never liked beef or most types of meat and now the thought of any greasy, fatty meat sickens me. my new quest is find a good source of protein that doesn't include meat. for now i'll be eating a little chicken and salmon along with the ground beef in the freezer but only in small portions. who knows, in a year or two i might become a vegan.

on a different note, the deadwood marathon ended last night. for the last few years jack langrishe has been my favorite character and it was no different this time. the first few seasons it was e b farnum that made me laugh, then it was jane cannery who brought a smile to my face and now it's jack. i can look at jack and start smiling before he speaks. ian mcshane and brian cox truly do make deadwood shakespeare of the west.

in case anyone isn't motivated to drink a decent amount of water each day, take a look at what happens when the kidneys aren't cleansed daily. after crapping myself silly whilst ill and dehydrating myself in the process, i'll let swearengen be the  angel on my shoulder whispering in my ear, "drink the fucking water!"

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Tuesday, 31 January 2017

almost there

it's the last day of january and the weather is lovely here in the great pacific northwest, sunny and about 5 degrees c.  the bad news is we might get some snow in a few days but tomorrow is the first day of february and that means march is just around the corner. another 2 months and with any luck i'll be zipping around on the scooter.  that will be heaven on earth for me, hopping on the scooter and wearing nothing but a t shirt, jeans and an old pair of sneakers.

by april i should be a real old freak. last july the kid got married and i was forced to get a short haircut and trim the beard back to almost nothing. i'm pleased to say that i haven't had a haircut  trimmed  the beard since early july. i've decided to let it grow for a year and see how things unfold.
it's almost 7 months now and things are getting pretty scruffy. the kids don't give a shit and find the whole thing quite comical but the lovely mrs myshkin is none too happy with my excellent imitation of a homeless man.

i'll put on my old leather biker jacket and look like a geriatric hells angel on a scooter. maybe i'll even pop into the cracker factory and show the drones what happens when a man no longer has to toe the company line in order to pay the bills. from what i hear, there's been another house cleaning at the cracker factory so most people won't have a clue who i am and will probably call security.

deadwood is almost done for the season so it's time to find a replacement for my 15 minutes of bliss before hopping into bed. it's been a few years since i watched john from cincinnati and i'm dying to hear butchie scream, "i gotta get high,  man!"

billy says i better don't get too high, and he still loves you sons of bitches.

Thursday, 19 January 2017

something wonderful

let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.

several wonderful things happened last night. the wonderful things would have been much more wonderful if they had happened spontaneously, but waiting for something spontaneous to happen is a young man's game.

the evening began with a truly wonderful bowl of bean soup that  had spent the day simmering and absorbing all the magical energy that had been waiting months for something worthy to dive into. a good hearty pot of bean soup can produce commercial grade methane gas. i'll be producing methane for the next few days.

after the dishes had been washed and the rip walked, it was reward time. years ago, things would have began with a glass of whiskey but the world turns and things change. last night things got started with the sparking of a bud and the eating of a raspberry cookie coated in white belgian chocolate. it was a good large cookie that i won't soon forget.

then it was time to put on little music, the be good tanyas, and finish the book i had been saving for this wonderful occasion, cannery row. i had about 15 pages left to read and they didn't disappoint. cannery row is definitely in my top 10 list of novels. it makes me happy, and happy is good.

then it was time for the second course, the final episode of the second season of fargo. the final episode was good, but i think the penultimate episode was better. watching season 2 of fargo was time very well spent.

and finally it was time to get grounded and set my mind straight. twenty four minutes of pure bliss; deadwood! al swearengen always puts my mind straight.

so i ate, i drank a little bean soup and i got merry.  now it's time to hop in the mighty hyundai and go see the doctor and that son of a gun is in for a surprise. rather than take the tests and medications he prescribed, i bought a real lucky coin and so far, i haven't lost the son of a bitch.

billy loves you sons of bitches

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

is it too late?

is it too late to change my new years resolution? maybe add a clause or rider?

i've spent a lot of time today looking for a pair of glasses. a while back i bought 4 pairs of prescription reading glasses. i thought it would be good to have spares in case i lost a pair but at the time i also realized that there was a potential problem. having an additional 4 pairs of glasses also meant that i would have 4 more things to lose. well guess what, i lost a pair.

i had a brain freeze, fell and broke a pair of glasses so it was time to take inventory and decide on a new favorite pair but  it quickly became evident that a pair was missing. and every time i turned around to look in a different place, a certain dog was standing behind me almost causing another fall. old age can be a problem.

the worst part of looking for lost stuff is rather than finding the item i'm looking for, i realize that i've lost other stuff and soon i'm looking for so much stuff, i can't remember what i'm looking for. so this all leads up to the rider i'm going to add to my new years resolution:


while searching for a snow brush in the trunk of the mighty sonata i found 5 umbrellas. this was in addition to the 3 umbrellas on the rear seats. it just goes on and on and on.

now what can take my mind off all the missing stuff?

billy loves you sons of bitches.

Monday, 2 January 2017

the resolution - 2017

and the winner is ..........................

this year the resolution is moderation.

in the past i've been very fond of saying, moderation is for monks. if things work out, i'll be a monk for a significant chunk of 2017.

i'm talking about exercise and diet. my resolution is probably the opposite of 95% of the resolutions made by other fools such as i. i'm stiff and sore, my whole body aches. there's a really good chance that most of my aches and pains originate from all the exercise i do. moderation is for monks and in the past i've not moderated my exercise, i've overdone it.

same thing for weight, i want to put on a few pounds.  with almost zero body fat, i'm too sensitive to the cold weather, i need some insulation.

there's a good chance that all my troubles are the inevitable changes that occur with aging but son of a bitch, it's worth a shot. in my case, it's easier for me to exercise than not to exercise. 

while the rest of us plan for the coming new year and enjoy the comforts of home, there is a group of needy souls that usually go unnoticed, the homeless drug addicts. vancouver's downtown eastside is often called the biggest shit hole in the developed world. poverty and addiction are everywhere. when i was 15 years old i got my first job as a dishwasher in the area and experienced the horror show firsthand. it was alcohol and heroin in those days and now opiates and methamphetamines have been added to the mix. i often ride through the area on a sunday morning in the good weather and the stark poverty and suffering are unbelievable. 

the thing that always blows me away is the openness of  the drug dealing and trafficking of stolen merchandise. the federal government makes the drugs illegal but the city of vancouver does not enforce the law, they enable the addiction. there is virtually no effort to rehabilitate these poor souls, just give the appearance of giving a shit. we pick them up and save them from the brink of death from overdosing and then push them back onto the streets to do the whole thing again and again and again.

there but for the grace of god go i.

and of course i need an altar to pray for my salvation.

and best of all, now i'm ready for summer.

billy loves you sons of bitches and says: it's all bullshit, don't let it get you down.

Saturday, 24 December 2016

merry xmas

it's xmas eve and the rip is helping me find a good xmas song.

we looked and we looked and we looked but couldn't find anything. then the rip set my mind straight with these two words:   waiting is

then i looked at the rip and set her mind straight with these 3 words:  thou art god

then the 4 legged god gave me  four magic  words:  xmas falls on sunday

merry feckin xmas

billy says xmas, like all things, will pass.