Saturday, 23 September 2017

scooter be gone

some rat bastard son of a bitch stole my scooter!!!!

monday evening, as i was leaving to take the rip for her usual evening stroll in park,  i noticed something was amiss, my scooter was gone!!!  the big question was whether to rush back and call the police or take rip out for her walk. i decided to take rip for her walk before calling the police.

upon returning, i called the police and obtained a file number which i used to file an insurance claim. then i decided to have a hot bath to relax.  just after hopping into the tub, the doorbell rang. i had to quickly hop out of the tub and get dressed to greet the strong arm of the law. the rat bastard thief not only ruined the evening stroll with rip, he/she ruined my bath!

the next day i resigned myself to losing the scooter but then started worrying about the house being burgled. i decided that it was time to reassess my security and start locking doors when i wasn't home. there was only one problem, i only had keys for one door and could not locate the missing keys. son of a bitch, i would have to get organized and start taking the time to lock and unlock doors when making quick trips shopping or walking the rip. what a hassle, eh?

on wednesday evening after i hopped into a steaming hot bath tub the goddamned door bell rang again, it was the police again. the officer told me that my scooter had been found and it was in my back yard. somehow they got the theft location and the recovery location switched around.  after swearing on a stack of bibles that i didn't have the scooter the officer re-checked her information and left to confirm where the scooter had been found. this time i stayed away from the bath tub.

the officer returned and escorted me to the scooter. yes, it was my scooter and it seemed to be none the worse for wear. the first thing i did was unlock the seat and see if my turtle helmet was still there and yes it was. but more importantly my riding gloves were still there. the gloves were an old beat up pair of black leather dress gloves that my dad used for yard work. losing those gloves was bumming me out more than the thought of losing the scooter.

in summation:

scooter was gone
scooter is back
leo be happy.

i don't want a pickle, i just want a motorcycle.

billy loves you sons of bitches.


  1. Replies
    1. interesting? no it's fucking tragic when a scooter gets stolen.

  2. What a pisser! I'm glad your scooter is back and it's ok. My daughter's van was recently stolen and the creeps who took it, tore it up and left needles and dope in the seats... that my daughter found after the police returned it. So she had to call the police back to remove the heroin and needles.
    This world is going to hell in a hand basket that was probably stolen from a Walmart.
    Love the trip down Arlo Lane.

    1. there is absolutely no fear of being caught by the police here. there are habitual criminals with 50 convictions who get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. and if the thief is an indian, our bleeding hearts will apologize before delivering a stern lecture and turning him lose.

  3. Presuming you may have had the keys in it, did you find upon its return it works ok? Or did they just cart it away when they stole it and then try to hot wire it?

    Glad that it is back and the other stuff is still there too. Will you have to do anything further like go to court if they end up on trial?


  4. no, the keys were not in it. i guess they figured out that it was newer model that needed they key containing the microchip. the thieves weren't caught and i'd be surprised if the cops are giving it a second thought.

  5. So glad you got your scooter back! Love the bath police tales! they don't wnat you to be clean.

  6. Glad all's well, Mr. Rosewater. Enjoy those baths.

  7. I'm surprised the thieves returned it to your yard. Maybe they were trying to get you accused of wasting police time.

    1. they didn't return it to my yard, the police were either confused or it was a test. or maybe they just didn't give a shit and didn't read the report.

  8. I'm surprised the thieves returned it to your yard. Maybe they were trying to get you accused of wasting police time.