i took a break due to ringing in my ears and general stiffness. sonny gave me some foam earplugs along with strict instructions on how to properly use them. but what the hell, who needs ear plugs for a few test chops? well, the problem with a few test chops is once the adrenaline kicks in, a few chops can quickly become many chops and the goddamned ears started ringing again so it was time to take a few days off.
then sonny came through with 2 new wedges for me; a standard wedge and a star shaped "wood grenade". i decided to start with a modest sized piece of knotted wood. but before i could say, bob's your uncle, i had the axe stuck in the wood. no problemo, right? just pull out the wedges.
as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men.......
soon i had the axe and both wedges stuck in this motherfucker piece of wood. i must have whacked both wedges over 50 times with a good sized sledge hammer and that fucking piece of wood would not budge! then i spent almost an hour trying to get them out. i ended up using an impact driver along with a hammer and chisel to get them out. once again, i was dripping sweat and the ears were ringing. and i had a few slivers in my hand!
a few days later i started again. this time i was more selective and gave the more gnarly pieces a pass. with this new approach i managed to split several pieces. but my ears started ringing and somehow or other i whacked my finger with sledge hammer. now i'm typing with nine fingers and it hurts. as does my shoulder and back.
but fear not. i'm not giving up. tomorrow i'll be back at it. it's become personal between me and the wood, my honor is at stake. of course the lovely mrs myshkin is giving me zero support and plenty of criticism. so it goes.
billy loves you sons of bitches.
Hahaha. Rounds 1 and 2 goes to the Gnarly Wood, but you'll finish that fucker in the later rounds, wearing it down with jabs to the body. Get after it, brother.
ReplyDeletethank you for your support mr noisewater. if not for my ringing ears, i'd be outside getting my pound of flesh at this very moment.
DeleteIf all else fails, rip it apart with a chainsaw. That's the nuclear weapon in the arsenal
ReplyDeletei was at the hardware store today and the sales guy suggested a "monster maul". but i couldn't figure out how to carry it on the scooter. i'm pretty sure there's a maul in my future.
DeleteYou don't need a monster maul unless you are going to take up a lot of wood splitting this late in life and if you are get a fucking gas powered woodsplitter so you can piss off the neighbors at 6AM. When hand splitting just split around the knots, or plan the cuts when the tree is cut up and cut on each side of them, a four inch chunk of wood can just be tossed on campfires.
ReplyDeleteyeah, i've sized up the remaining rounds and decided on what and where to chop. i'm waiting for my ears to stop running and more natural cracks to show up in the wood.
DeleteYikes. Have you considered renting one of the motorized wood splitters?
ReplyDeletethat would be admitting defeat. my dad split tons of wood with an axe so i have to do him proud.
DeleteGive 'em hell, Mr. Rosewater. And best of luck.
ReplyDeleteas soon as i finish my handful of power-pill ju-jubes, some rat bastard piece of douglas fir will experience fire and fury the likes of which very few have ever witnessed.
Deleteaccidently deleted your blog from my list. had to through billy's comments to find you. Ever had a hernia? I have. Trust me, buy a nice Harbor Freight splitter!
ReplyDeletenever had a hernia but pulled a groin muscle in karate that took years and years to heal. i had a good night splitting wood last night and would have continued if not for my ringing ears. sweating like a pig is excellent therapy for the brain.
ReplyDelete