Monday, 11 April 2016

Up in smoke

My luck ran out yesterday, woe was me.  I was happily mowing the lawn with my trusty Craftsman electric mower when things started to go south on me. The mower often gets clogged  when the grass is damp which is no big deal, I just flip it on its side and scoop out the clog. The mower slowed down so I released the safety switch and flipped it on its side but there was no clog so I just righted the machine and carried on. It still didn't seem right so I flipped it over again looking for a clump of grass but it was all clear. I was perplexed.

I continued on my merry way but it still didn't seem right so I flipped over again and noticed a little smoke around the blade. I had smelled something a  little  strange but thought it was just one of my international neighbors cooking some lovely ethnic cuisine. Now I knew what the smell was and what it meant, the mower was on borrowed time. I decided to take a break to let the smoke clear. After 20 minutes I returned to the scene of the crime and finished the area I was cutting. It's time for a new mower.

Luckily, I have a spare mower, a wonderful Craftsman gas mower I bought to cut my dad's grass a few years ago. But I'm not finished with the electric mower. Next time the grass needs cut, I'm going to fire up the electric  mower and keep cutting until the son of bitch erupts in flames. I didn't get to where I am today by letting a chinese lawn mower scare me. I'm actually looking forward watching it go up in flames.

It's nice to use something until it explodes rather than disposing of it before it's time is up. Kinda like wearing an old pair of Levi's until  the crotch and knees are nothing but threads.

Twenty years ago I would have taken the kids outside and said, "here, hold my drink and  watch this!" Then maybe roasted a few marshmallows over the flaming carcass.

Billy says he loves you sons of bitches.


  1. I don't mine a electric mower on smaller areas...Coffee is on

  2. Aren't there still mowers powered only by a man pushing his bodyweight against the handlebars? I think I can just about remember a device like that.

  3. Dora - I like electric mowers and one of these days I'll be walking through a store and fall victim to some clever marketing and pick one up.

    gb - My dad had a hand pushed reel mower that I used on his backyard for several years. The only problem was that the grass catcher fell off every few minutes.

  4. I'm so glad I don't ave to take care of lawn any more..but this community garden thing I have going is kicking my ass.

  5. js - I don't mind cutting the lawn. it's idiot proof and looks good when the job is complete. I bought an excellent tree this morning that's going to bring me unbridled bliss.

  6. I am old-fashioned, so I will always prefer using an old push mower :)

  7. a push mower works well on a good flat lawn but on my uneven, thatched and mossy lawn it would take a herculean effort. and i'm no hercules these days.

  8. I wish you could capture this on video, Mr. Rosewater, because it would be awesome watching your electric mower taking its final laps. Take care.

  9. i lack the technical skills to produce videos and the ladies i live with don't share my sense of adventure. in fact, i think that i cause them considerable embarrassment.

  10. Rosewater, how about we try to make a fresh start?

    I wish you would post a picture of yourself so I could get a better feel for whom I'm talking to.

    1. Hi Snow - fresh start, it's a deal. I'll try to measure twice and cut once.

      I haven't posted any photos of myself for a while because I hate the thought of facial recognition software and big brother tracking everything I do.

  11. Love it!

    You should get an old microwave at the thrift store and conduct some science. Or just beat the shit out of some old computer monitor.

  12. luckily i have a few giant trees to from which to hang the mower and turn it into a pinata. and also as luck would have it, i can almost curse as good as the guy with the monitor.

    the lovely mrs myshkin will be proud as punch when it happens.