scooter be gone

some rat bastard son of a bitch stole my scooter!!!!

monday evening, as i was leaving to take the rip for her usual evening stroll in park,  i noticed something was amiss, my scooter was gone!!!  the big question was whether to rush back and call the police or take rip out for her walk. i decided to take rip for her walk before calling the police.

upon returning, i called the police and obtained a file number which i used to file an insurance claim. then i decided to have a hot bath to relax.  just after hopping into the tub, the doorbell rang. i had to quickly hop out of the tub and get dressed to greet the strong arm of the law. the rat bastard thief not only ruined the evening stroll with rip, he/she ruined my bath!

the next day i resigned myself to losing the scooter but then started worrying about the house being burgled. i decided that it was time to reassess my security and start locking doors when i wasn't home. there was only one problem, i only had keys for one door and could not locate the missing keys. son of a bitch, i would have to get organized and start taking the time to lock and unlock doors when making quick trips shopping or walking the rip. what a hassle, eh?

on wednesday evening after i hopped into a steaming hot bath tub the goddamned door bell rang again, it was the police again. the officer told me that my scooter had been found and it was in my back yard. somehow they got the theft location and the recovery location switched around.  after swearing on a stack of bibles that i didn't have the scooter the officer re-checked her information and left to confirm where the scooter had been found. this time i stayed away from the bath tub.

the officer returned and escorted me to the scooter. yes, it was my scooter and it seemed to be none the worse for wear. the first thing i did was unlock the seat and see if my turtle helmet was still there and yes it was. but more importantly my riding gloves were still there. the gloves were an old beat up pair of black leather dress gloves that my dad used for yard work. losing those gloves was bumming me out more than the thought of losing the scooter.

in summation:

scooter was gone
scooter is back
leo be happy.

i don't want a pickle, i just want a motorcycle.

billy loves you sons of bitches.

baseball!

baseball, it's almost playoff time baby!

earlier this summer i became obsessed with getting a few genuine mlb balls. any idiot can buy a new ball but i wanted a few that were genuine and had actually been handled by real players so the hunt was on.  i found cool store on the west side so it was time to hop on the scooter and score some balls!

i bought a few and liked them so much i went and bought more. 

last week while watching a game on tv and fondling my balls i decided it was time to dig out my old glove. i searched everywhere and couldn't find it. i even hauled everything out of the crawl space and still no glove. i was totally bummed out. it was a great glove that my parents bought me almost 50 years ago and it was very well used and cared for. a perfect pocket and beautiful smooth soft leather. it might still be around the house but the hunt was on for a new glove.

i wanted to get a rawlings heart of the hide or wilson A2000 but couldn't find the right color and model so it was time to hit craigslist. i couldn't find what i wanted but ended up buying 3 not so great gloves. i went to look at one glove but the silver tongued devil selling it talked me into buying 2. then he threw in a 3rd glove for free.

two of them were hard as rocks so it's giving me something to do, soften the sons of bitches up. so i soaked the brown one in water and tied it up, i tied up the black one without soaking it so i could compare the success of the techniques. in a few days i'll untie the brown one, toss it in the dryer and begin working on the son of a bitch.

the smaller brown/pink glove was the free throw in and it's really an interesting glove, an 11 inch woman's fastpitch glove.  it's a really cool little glove with a large pocket for the large ball. a fastpitch ball is larger than a baseball but smaller than a softball.  

so far i love the woman's glove.  my only problem is rip keeps trying to steal my balls.

spark a bud and fondle my balls.  if that isn't nice, what is?

billy loves you sons of bitches. 

nix pineapples

the pineapple tomatoes were a resounding failure. the plants grew very well and produced 16 good sized tomatoes, but i couldn't give the goddamned things away! i ate one myself and the lovely mrs myshkin threw one into some sort of stew but that's about it. i ended up with a bowl of "throwing" fruit.

the patio tomatoes were a smashing success, lots of fruit and low maintenance. but i did learn that patio tomatoes grow better when not in a pot on the patio. the pot quickly dries out in the sun and if you add too much water too quickly, the fruit gets some sort of rot on the underbelly. it will be patio tomatoes in the garden next year.  hopefully the patio tomatoes will provide enough misdirection so that the lovely mrs myshkin won't notice the giant chinese pumpkins until they need a crane and forklift to be moved.

it's almost time to begin the annual deadwood marathon and i'm all fired up after watching john wick and john wick 2.  i was very pleasantly surprised to find al swearengen (ian mcshane) in the first john wick and pleased as punch to see that mcshane had larger part in john wick 2.

if you like al swearengen and have a fondness for pitbull type dogs, you gotta watch this clip. it's totally excellent.

john wick, al swearengen and a cool dog!

if this isn't nice, what is!!!!

billy says he loves you sons of bitches.

windows 10

windows 10:

TO THE LAST, I GRAPPLE WITH THEE
FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE
FOR HATE'S SAKE, I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE!

yes, i hate windows 10 with a passion. i always think it's looking over my shoulder and recording my every move. and i'm sick to death of getting messages that my "one-drive" is full and i better go buy some more storage or something nasty will happen.

after throwing a tantrum yesterday, my daughter happened to drop by  and spent a few minutes monkeying around with it,  now all is well with the world. "one-drive" has been given a one-way bus ticket to siberia. i had asked sonny about it a few times and he blew me off. my daughter is an apple person and never uses windows 10 but she figured it out very quickly.  i wish she would drop by more often.

i've been coerced into going to a bar-b-q this evening and there will probably get into a good argument with a few "clintonistas".  yes, us crazy canadians argue more about american politics than our own politics. for some funny reason, these canadian "clintonistas" blame poor old bernie for clinton's loss at the polls. a few months ago, several "clintonistas" ganged up on me when i voiced support for bernie.

i hate hillary more today than a few months ago and i'm pretty sure the "clintonistas" have figured out a way to blame bernie for north korea's adventures with hydrogen bombs.

eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die, and i'd rather spend eternity with bernie bots than clintonistas.  (but the trumpsters probably throw better parties)

what can i say, i'm just a ...................

 billy loves you sons of bitches.

wood

i sincerely apologize to my international readership for another post about my adventures in wood splitting. after taking a break to rest my weary bones, yesterday i was back at it. a few gnarly and highly uncooperative chunks of wood met their maker. it's been an excellent learning experience for me, too bad it's happened so late in life. my dad was always splitting wood but he never took the time to give me any advice, he just gave me that axe and told me to start whacking.

i was having a hard time holding a wedge and bashing it with the big sledge hammer so this morning i hopped on the scooter and picked up a small 4 lb sledge.

it's a terrific little piece of equipment, i should have picked one up years ago. but 30 years ago i was strong enough to swing a full sized sledge hammer with one hand. so it goes.

the photo above is a patio tomato that has a few specimens ready to pick but i'll keep them on the vine for a few days just to annoy the lovely mrs myshkin when i boast of my success.

here's photo of a "pineapple" tomato.  from what i've read, pineapple tomatoes don't turn red so it's hard to get an exact reading on how ripe they are. i love the smell of tomato plants and i also love it when spiders arrive in late summer.  i'll not only be monitoring the tomato, i'll be monitoring the growth of my favorite spider.

now here's my excellent household tip for those readers who have bothered to read this until the end.

if your garbage stinks in the hot summer weather, throw a freshly split piece of wood into the bin. our garbage is no longer picked up every week, now it's bi-weekly and in the hot summer weather, it can really stink. a few weeks ago i tossed a piece of gnarly wood in the bottom of the  bin and the disgusting garbage odor was replaced with the wonderful aroma of douglas fir. it's similar to cedar.

billy says he loves you sons of bitches.

the garden

i'm still battling the wood and for now, the wood is winning.  i was using the mattock trying to break up the toughest knot in the western hemisphere and got the bright idea of trying a different angle. i teed up the wood and took my mightiest golf swing at the son of a bitch.  it was a great plan, but i lifted my head and missed that rat bastard piece of wood, i pulled a muscle trying to control the follow through. i'm taking at least a week off. hopefully my ears will stop ringing while waiting for the muscles to heal.

on the plus side of the ledger, my tomatoes are doing very well. a bumper crop and the little darlings are beginning to ripen. ain't nothing in the world like homegrown tomatoes.

now it's time to build on the tomato success and try something a little more challenging. i'm pleased to announce that i've been the winning bidder on some giant pumpkin seeds on ebay. i could have played it safe and spent $10 on some tried and true north american  pumpkin seeds, but my inner cheapness took over and i'll be growing giant chinese pumpkins.

giant chinese pumpkin seeds; what are the chances i'll end up with a squash or cucumber? i'm not going to tell the lovely mrs myshkin that i'm growing giant pumpkins, she's a real wet blanket when it comes to my brilliant ideas.

billy says he still loves you sons of bitches.

ouch

who knew gnarly wood was goddamned difficult to split?

i took a break due to ringing in my ears and general stiffness.  sonny gave me some foam earplugs along with strict instructions on how to properly use them. but what the hell, who needs ear plugs for a few test chops?   well, the problem with a few test chops is once the adrenaline kicks in, a few chops can quickly become many chops and the goddamned ears started ringing again so it was time to take a few days off.

then sonny came through with 2 new wedges for me; a standard wedge and a star shaped "wood grenade".  i decided to start with a modest sized piece of knotted wood. but before i could say, bob's your uncle, i had the axe stuck in the wood. no problemo, right? just pull out the wedges. 

as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men.......

soon i had the axe and both wedges stuck in this motherfucker piece of wood. i must have whacked both wedges over 50 times with a good sized sledge hammer and that fucking piece of wood would not budge!  then i spent almost an hour trying to get them out. i ended up using an impact driver along with a hammer and chisel to get them out.  once again, i was dripping sweat and the ears were ringing. and i had a few slivers in my hand!

a few days later i started again. this time i was more selective and gave the more gnarly pieces a pass. with this new approach i managed to split several pieces. but my ears started ringing and somehow or other i whacked my finger with sledge hammer. now i'm typing with nine fingers and it hurts. as does my shoulder and back.

but fear not. i'm not giving up. tomorrow i'll be back at it. it's become personal between me and the wood, my honor is at stake. of course the lovely mrs myshkin is giving me zero support and plenty of criticism.  so it goes.

billy loves you sons of bitches.